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Sunday, 4 December 2011

CinéBlog's Christmas Wishlist

Happy Yuletide!

As the festive season is upon us, I think it's time I wrote CinéBlog's letter to Santa.
(OK, admittedly I took the idea from a friend's blog, if you like being kept up-to-date on sporting news, check out: http://jsshippsport.blogspot.com)

Nonetheless, it's time to share what CinéBlog is humbly requesting from St. Nick this year, and so our letter reads something like this:

Dear Santa,
Thank you for our gifts last year; The King's Speech was probably our favourite, but there seemed to be a bit of a mix up with The Green Lantern: I didn't ask for it, nobody did, and so like all unwanted presents it is doomed to live out its days in charity shop windows and low-priced ebay auctions. Anyway, on to this year. Below is a list of thing we would like. Some of them do seem a bit of a tall order, but if you can provide Keanu Reeves with a career you can do anything.

1.   Keanu Reeves needs to be stopped. (by any means)

2.  For 007:Skyfall to be decent, with Judy Dench backhanding at least 5 people.

3.  For the entire works of Alfred Hitchcock to be remade starring Samuel L. Jackson. My suggestions are: 'The Birds on a Plane', 'Psycho..in the Bronx', & 'Muhfuckin' Vertigo'. 

4.  For Jake Gyllenhal and Toby Maguire to finally merge into one person. We don't need two.

5.  For Blade to turn up in 'Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2' (Van Helsing would suffice)

6.  For Leornado Di Caprio to win a long overdue Oscar.

7.  For Thatcher biopic 'Iron Lady' to be successful enough to spawn a crossover sequel 'Iron Lady vs. Iron Man'

8.   For 'The Hobbit' to feature Bilbo Baggins encasing other hobbit's staplers in jelly.

9.   For Daniel Day-Lewis to reveal that he is, in fact, God.

10. For Micheal Mann to be shot from a grassy null.

11. For Alan Rickman and Tim Curry to star in a buddy comedy.

12. For that film to feature them as clowns in a travelling circus and to be called 'Life's a Joke'.

13. For producers to finally scrape the barrel of superhero movies and make 'SuperTed: the Movie'.

14. For Bob Hoskins to play SuperTed.

15. For Christopher Walken to release a series of children's audiobooks.

16. For 'The Dark Knight Rises' to be at least 6 hours long.

17. For 'The Hobbit' to be at most 6 minutes long.

18. For Martin Scorsese. Please.

19. For a binding legal restraint order stating that George Lucas isn't allowed within 900 yards of Harrison Ford's Career.

20. For a 'Saving Private Ryan' remake featuring Tom Hanks and an all-Muppet cast, 'Saving Private Fozzy' needs to be made.

Yours hopefully,

Jack Ball.

Merry Christmas From CinéBlog!!